Dad of 1

My son, sigh, he just breaks my heart some days. And today, was one of those days. I haven’t seen him much over the past week and a half. I had an interview, works withs and a crazy last week of work. And a few night meetings. Everything has gone well, including my interview, but it has impeded my time with him.

He always tells me he misses me when he’s with his mom, but it really must have shook him this time around. The last two days at daycare have been very emotional for him. He’s cried. He’s moped around. And he told the teachers its because he missed me.

I could grow angry at my ex for not filling me in on this. I could be mad she didn’t put him on the phone with me. But I didn’t.

Unfortunately, our situation will never change. I do have joint custody, but our time apart hurts. It kills me the way he’s felt over the past couple of days. Its made me feel guilty. Its made me like I have failed. But I still chose to enjoy my time with him this evening. We went shopping for a spring jacket, some new shoes and a few groceries.

He told me about Easter with his mom. And the new levels he’s clearing on his Super Mario game. But mostly, we were just goofing around, smiling and laughing.

We came home to the most awesome surprise too. My girl had snuck in while we were out and dropped off a huge bag of dinosaur toys. It elated him immediately and made for such a fun night. She’s so damn sweet.

I have another night meeting tomorrow, ugh. I held him for awhile after he fell asleep. Just staring at him.

It was great to be with him. Even if it was just for an evening, it was meaningful and comforting to us both. He’s a heartbreaker and he’s mine.

This morning’s war…….Ninjago - Spongebob - Patrick vs.  Ravage - Pirates of the Caribbean - Bank Robber. At stake…….the bank’s vault and Sunday bragging rights.

This morning’s war…….Ninjago - Spongebob - Patrick vs. Ravage - Pirates of the Caribbean - Bank Robber. At stake…….the bank’s vault and Sunday bragging rights.

I may not have gotten first place or last, but I have the most awesome kid who writes all over my work notes. It made me smile several times today.

I may not have gotten first place or last, but I have the most awesome kid who writes all over my work notes. It made me smile several times today.


I really can’t complain, but making dinner for one is hard. My boy is having mini corn dogs, cheese puffs, grapes and green peppers, his choice. And I’m happy. He’s eating. But what the hell do I have now? The two of us rarely eat the same things. He’s not to fond of “adult food” at this point.

Dinner with my son. Home made and damn good. Happy Friday!

Dinner with my son. Home made and damn good. Happy Friday!

It’s Sunday

Where did the weekend go? I had Friday off and it still seems as if the three day weekend flew by. 

It was a fulfilling weekend. I hadn’t spent this much time with my son in over two weeks as he was in FL with his mom. The holidays are always tough with work and travel, but doubly as hard without him.

We didn’t do much, but we had so much one on one time that it didn’t seem to matter what we were doing. All of the Christmas toys have been assembled and played with. We did arts and crafts, movies and “battles.”

We cooked our pancakes albeit on Saturday, but we made an amazing dinner tonight. He helped every step of the way. This is my family tradition that I am trying to instill within him. Sunday dinner. To remember the memories made over the weekend and to gather ourselves for the upcoming week.

The dishes are done, the bags packed for school/work, the clothes picked out and my little man is all tucked in, sleeping like an angel. I just stood in his doorway for a few moments, just staring at him. 

I have finally showered and it’s time to relax a bit. I did some reading this afternoon and would like to do some more. Just wishing sometimes I had someone to share my Sunday evening with. For now, the book will work.

Here’s to a good week!

Jaws game on my phone

And………an hour later he is still playing. Easily amused. I guess this is what kids do these days. 

I am cooking burgers on the grill and enjoying a few quiet moments, other than jaws jumping in and out of the water and swallowing everything in site. 

I had a nice FULL day with my son. We really didn’t do anything, made a nice breakfast, read, did puzzles, hit the park and a few errands. We also practiced rhyming words and his sounds. All in all, it really was a great day.

I do have my family in the back of my mind. I won’t let it creep up on me today. My uncles are speaking with my dad who has clearly lost it. I am hoping for the best and have faith in my family. It makes me think of my mom a lot, but in a good way. 

Not much on the agenda tonight, I am sure he will be down by 8:30. Oh, ordered a Halloween costume, kinda excited!

Happy Saturday!

Beach day with son and niece.

Beach day with son and niece.


They can be tough some days. Real tough especially when you aren’t at your best.

Today was one of those days. 

I picked him up at daycare at 4:40pm. All of the kids (about 8 of them) were all asleep on the floor watching a movie. Maybe one or two were actually up. This is too late for a nap and furthermore, at 4 years old, we are pretty much done with naps. Minus weekends. 

He is immediately hungry and if by chance I forget a snack, he gets crabby. But today, he slept the entire 20 minute drive. 

When we got home and I awoke him, he was REAL crabby. Definitely over tired. He finally got out of the car and began to cry as he sat on the asphalt. He told me he didn’t like me and that he wasn’t coming in. 

Got him inside and he went straight to his room and slammed his door. I figured, perfect, I can cook dinner, answer emails and clean up. After about two minutes I felt guilty and went to his room. He wouldn’t let me in. I gave him his space.

After five minutes, I entered and he let me in. I asked him why he was upset. I got several different answers, “I don’t like you, we’re not best buddies anymore, I hate it here, I want mama, its boring here,” and so on.

I reminded him of all the fun we have here and the special things we get to do together. He just kept shaking his head no, sticking out his tongue and crossing his arms. He began to throw things, so I said, “That is not how we behave in this house,” and left the room.

He cried. And I let him. 

He came out just a few minutes later and came and laid on my lap. I went straight to a different topic other than his behavior. I asked how he wanted to cook the chicken. And what else he wanted with it for dinner. 

I put on Sponge Bob and he began talking to me. Telling me about his day at Kids Club, his new Cars shoes and so on. 

My son was back. 

Damn it is tough to handle this sometimes. But I get it, this is when I become the dad I have always wanted to. This is where you dig deep and keep PATIENT. 

After dinner we read a book and headed for the bath. We played with the toys, splashed each other and laughed. 

As he was exiting the bath, I reminded him how much fun we have together and told him he was my best buddy in the whole wide world. He started hugging and kissing me and wouldn’t stop. A tickle fight ensued. 

Putting on his pajamas was my time to parent. I asked if he remembered when he was upset earlier and he said yes. I said its ok to get upset, but that when you are, you need to tell me why. I told him that way we could work on controlling our anger by talking nicely to each other. 

He agreed and said, “Daddy, I’m sorry I wanted mama, I want to stay here for 5 weeks.”

I died laughing and engulfed his entire 32 pound body into my chest. We both laughed. 

Ten minutes later, we were in my bed watching “The Muppets,” and he was fast asleep.

I love my son, I cherish our time. And its not guaranteed. Live for the now.

Today was a shitty day, real fucking shitty. But this will always make me laugh and smile. I am thankful for my boy. To quote him, we are “best buddies.”